Saturday, March 7, 2009

Just Recently

Just recently I have been receiving text messages from a friend who's been out of circulation for quite sometime. He has been a good friend to me and not just a good friend to consider but someone, "I think", I used to LOVE or it would be kinder to say I LIKE. It was quite humbling to know that we've already patched things up between the two of us or should I say I was just too assuming to think that we're good already and the communication is back again.

I can't understand why I like this person, I can't even tell this person I like him. I keep myself mum to him about my feelings but I am showy and I act on them(feelings) vividly. GEEZZZZ..what's happening to me!!!!. My friends kept asking me this questions "WHY HIM?" ... I couldn't give them an answer.. I just cant. I don't know where to start answering their questions. I don't even know if it's answerable or not.

I don't want to be a hypocrite and deny that I don't like the person. It's just I am torn between someone and him. At this point in time, this is what keeps on bugging me. The thought on my mind that says "you should tell him the truth and let go, so you won't suffer too long for not telling that person you like him", but then again a part of me says "NO!... don't do it or else your friendship with him will suffer.. he will accept everything and will learn to accept everything in time. "

I am not stupid, I don't want to be one, nor be a heart breaker but I don't want to break my heart either. I just wish I can have two hearts, separately loving them both. But I can't have everything else in this world. Everything should be equally shared and be given to everyone purposely and fittingly.

So I guess mine has been given to me, I love the person I am with now. He brought sunshine to my life, I guess both of them did. This person broke my heart many times but I can't just let go of him. He is like a drug to me: he is my cure,my addiction and my death. However I have not reached the part of the death yet, but truly he is.

I am confused... I still like the person I used to LIKE...but then again I like the person I am with now. What am I to do? I can't love two.

1 comment:

  1. sana duha imong kasing kasing friendship?

    wag na oi! choose one na lang... DA WAN NA LABS KA!